IS IT OKAY TO TAKE BACK A CHEATING PARTNER?

      I get the “the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know" and the “men are polygamous by nature, it is in their nature to cheat" speech each time I ask questions like this.. And the touchy part is that the speech comes from the female school of thought..
     I usually say men cheat cos there is someone somewhere willing to cheat with them but sometimes, the person he is cheating with doesn't even know there is anybody in his life to start with.. It seems like I am shifting all the blame to the guys but the truth is most times, ladies would tell a guy who is asking her out that she has a boyfriend.. So the guy already knows that there is someone in her life.. Guys on the other hand would either say “i just broke up" or “the relationship is not headed anywhere" or some other bullshit their brain comes up with at that particular moment (forgive my manners)..
      The question of whether you should take back a cheating spouse or not is best answered by the persons in the relationship themselves.. You are the one there.. You understand your spouse better than anyone else. I am saying this because most of the people that would advice you to quit would probably stay in the relationship if the tables get turned with the excuse that men are polygamous in nature.
    Furthermore, If I am asked what I would do if my man cheats on me and wants the relationship to continue, I would say “there are certain situations that I can't categorically state how I would react until I am faced with the reality of that situation".. That's the truth.. So whether you decide to take back a cheating spouse or not depends on you. The only thing I would say here is that you think objectively and logically.. Keep love at a distance and face facts because sometimes, love clouds one's judgement.. Always remember that if you make him/her feel like you will always forgive him/her, you would start to be taken for granted and a mistake made more than twice is usually made out of nonchalance..
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LADIES DESK: IS IT OKAY TO DATE A YOUNGER GUY

Well.. Hmmmm... This is quite touchy... I've heard a lot of ladies say they can't... I say never say never...
Personally, I don't have a problem dating someone younger than I am... Its not so much the age as it is what he has upstairs... You could meet someone who is 10 years older than you are and the person doesn't understand the concept of loyalty, love, communication and every other thing that sums up the relationship institution.. On the other hand, you could meet someone 7 years younger than you who understands what it takes to run a relationship and tell me you would give that up simply cos he is younger than you are... Well I won't.... Not like its desperation or anything of the sort.. It just goes to show that you could actually find love anywhere..
As long as you are able to understand that he is a man and treat him as such, it should work... I don't mean younger guys who are still playing around.. I mean younger guys who are actually ready for something serious... I'm sure you all know what I mean.. Accord him respect and try not to bruise his ego, with that, everything should work out just fine.
Feel free to drop your comments and ideas below.
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DIARY OF A BROKEN HEARTED GIRL: 5

The great shocker she received was one that would be in her mind for a very long time.. How could he.. Let me paint a clear picture.. Maybe you will understand.. Imagine waking up one morning with happiness and gladness in your heart.You say your prayers and then decide that facebook is the next thing to check.. And then on your wall you see a picture of your boyfriend of over 2 years with a girl and the caption “hubby of life" (You all know how face book is.. If your friend gets tagged in a picture, it would inevitably show on your wall..)... That is exactly what hit her.. She is all shades of confused.. Like that was not enough, she decides to go check out the taggers page only to realize more pictures, only this time, there is a child in picture.. Not a baby or a toddler but an 10/11 year old child.. She understood the full meaning of the word devastated... She kept hoping it was a sick joke or something.. But alas, it was the end of her “oh so beautiful" relationship... Where would she start from.. Another two and a half years gone... What exactly is going on.. Over 5 years gone and nothing to show for it and someone somewhere would say true love exists.. Hmmm...
To be continued..
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I AM BACK

Hey FAM... Sorry for the long silence and all.. From Friday, regular posts continue... Thanks for all the messages and all that kept coming in.. I really appreciate..

DIARY OF A BROKEN HEARTED GIRL4

There was a whole lot of drama going on in her life at that particular moment... She wanted out so badly that she was willing to do anything.. Finally, she moved on... Moved into another relationship before her heart was totally healed... She knew it was wrong... She knew it was a rebound relationship but she wanted out so bad that she looked past what she knew was right.. She just kept pushing and fighting to get out that she forgot that she was suppose to analyze things.. She didn't necessarily forget to think I guess.. She just refused to do so...
It was all rosy until he had to leave to serve his fatherland... That was when she started having the intuition that something wasn't right... She ignored it.. She doubted herself and that was a terrible MISTAKE.... She knew her intuitions never lied... She knew better than to doubt herself but she did it anyway... She did what most girls do... Refuse to accept the truth... She just wanted to see it work sooo bad that she started second guessing herself.. The signs were there... The handwriting was bold but she decided not to take the cue.... A year passed and things seemed to normalize so she thought doubting herself was the right thing to do... Eighteen months down the line and they both had plans of settling down if everything went well.  She was happy.... She was content but she had doubts... She didn't understand why she had doubts but she had them anyway... She thought she had met THE ONE... So she pushed every other guy away... She focused on just him...
Fortunately, there was this heavy feeling in her heart that things could go wrong..  There was this constant fear of “loosing him"... It was overwhelming sometimes so she just had it at the back of her mind that there was a chance that things won't go as smoothly as she thought it would... Things seemed to be going great until exactly 2years and 6months into the relationship.... She got the GREAT SHOCKER... That's what she calls it when narrating the story to her friends....

WIFING BEFORE YOU ARE WIVED....

Let me explain wifing... It is an act where a lady keeps performing roles that should be reserved for her husband to a guy who isn't her husband... A lot of girls be giving guys privileges that they shouldn't have all in the name of dating... Your boyfriend is not your husband... Your fiance isn't your husband... So why would you be performing wifely duties for him..

You cook for him.. You do his laundry... You warm his bed.. You abort your children because he says he is not ready for a family.. You put up with a whole lot of crap because he is your boyfriend... Then he leaves you broken and you still do the same merry go round game with the next guy that comes around only this time, you decide to play smart and try to hold him down with a pregnancy... How stupid can you get???
I hear people say you have to fight for what is yours... Who told you that crap? That is all bullshit... What happens to the phrase “ he who finds a good wife findeth a good thing....”... You are suppose to be working on being a virtuous woman and you busy jumping around and giving yourself on credit to people who do not deserve it... Are you not tired? You have been through the same thing over and over and over again and you are still doing the same thing.. Its time for ladies to sit back and take a really good look at their life... Figure out stuffs for ourselves and realize that if we keep doing the same thing, we will always get the same result... We all need to realize that we can't keep being taken for granted... We should have respect for our body and realize that no matter how much wifing we do, we guy force a guy to commit if he does not want to.

IS IT OKAY TO BE FRIENDS WITH MY EX

This is a very tricky topic... Being friends with an Ex is a very delicate issue and if not handled well could cost you a lot.. Each time I'm asked if its okay to be friends with one's ex, I usually say yes and no... I'll give my reasons...

If it was a painful break up (maybe you caught your partner cheating and all of such situations), I will suggest you not being friends with your ex until you have healed totally.. This is because the pain and anger in your heart are emotions that are volatile making it really easy to make irrational decisions which you could regret.. The fact that you are still angry with your Ex means that he or she still has a certain effect on you and goes to show that you have not moved on and being friends with the Ex at this point in time makes you vulnerable. So I'll advice you try to avoid the Ex for as long as it takes you to stop being angry with them
If it was an amicable break up (where you both realised it wasn't working and then decided to quit the relationship), and you are certain you don't have feelings for the Ex anymore, its okay to be friends. This is because you are calm and there's no negative emotion brewing in your heart that will affect the clarity of your thoughts.
That being said, we should always take into cognisance the fact that most partners don't like it when we are still in constant contact with an ex... Even if you are sure that you feel nothing for your ex anymore, be sure to reduce communication with him or her when you are ready to get into a fresh relationship that way, you are giving your new relationship a chance while making sure that you don't give your new partner any reason to feel insecure..

BE CONTENT

I have noticed that a lot of people tend to not be content with the little they have especially in relationships... They compare their relationship to that of their friend and foes alike.. That is very wrong... One thing a lot of people forgot is that when it comes to relationships, you see what they want you to see.. People put up shows to make it seem like their relationship is perfect but deep down, they wish for something else... You notice that your friends guy calls her 79 times a day and yours calls you twice and then you assume your guy loves you less... You notice that your friends girl bought your friend a car and because your girl gets you a singlet you assume that she loves you less... Have you sat down for a second to think of the intent behind those actions... Your friends guy could be calling her 79 times a day and still be cheating on her... He could be calling her 79 times a day and still be abusive to her in the relationship.. That your friends girl could be sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry that says hi to her and is trying to use the car to clear her conscience... She might buy him a car to cover for the fact that she is a lazy ass b***h and thinks that getting him a car will make him turn a blind eye and get married to her.
I am not saying that that calling 79 times and getting a car for your partner is wrong... In fact your partner should call you at least thrice  daily and should get you gifts from time to time.. I'm just trying to let you understand that you should be content with your own owing to the fact sometimes, the grass seems to be greener on the other side because its fake.. Be content with yours and make sure you are so busy working on your own grass that you don't even notice that someone else's grass is greener.

SETTING STANDARDS

Hi FAM... Hope the world has been as nice to you as it has to me? Well, I noticed that some people don't have any set standard when it comes to dating... About half of those that do, set their standards based on physical outlooks and financial capability. That's not a bad standard to set because people want a partner that is presentable and who is not totally dependent on them financially. It becomes a problem when superficial attributes get used as the only yardstick for setting standards. First, you need to know that you are an extremely special being.. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. When you realise your worth, setting standards becomes much easier...

Last time I checked, relationship goes beyond beauty and money so when setting standards in your relationship, it should go way beyond beauty and the money...
Set realistic standards.... Think about your future and set standards based on how you want your future to be like.. Trust me, in ten years, you will probably outgrow certain things that you enjoy and crave for right now... When you set certain standards for yourself especially in your relationships, you find that you don't have little or no heartbreaks when compared with someone that has no standards set..
For instance, here's the set standard for Miss A

• He must be handsome
• He must have a house and at least two cars
• He must be earning at least 6digits monthly
• He has to be able to take me on a vacation twice a year
• He should be good in bed

Here's the set standard for Miss B

• We have to share the same faith
• He has to have a set goal for the future
• He should be able to encourage me in my personal endeavours
• He should be a focused, straightforward and hardworking human
• He should be able to be faithful to me

This is just example I set to show  the depth of some standards. Miss A's standards look better than Miss B's own at first glance.. But as you look at it more, you realise that Miss B's own is has more substance and depth than Miss A's own... Any rich guy can meet MissA's standard along with a whole lot of other girls own. Which translates to a higher chance of heartbreak... I hope was able to make a bit of sense in this article. Will make updates ... Feel free to send your suggestions to dannie.ucheagwu@gmail.com and don't forget to drop your comments..

ALL YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT STRETCH MARKS

Stretch marks!!! Most girls night mare.... I'll be talking bout stretch marks...

Anybody could get stretch marks but the female folks tend to be affected more because they are prone to constant stretching of the skin which brings me to the causes of stretch marks.
Stretch marks just like the name implies are caused by constant stretching of the skin which could lead to loss in elasticity.. The severity depends on certain factors which include genetic factors, level of stress on the skin and cortisone level.. Listed below are some risk factors

• Being female
• Having personal or family history of stretch marks
• Being pregnant
• Being overweight or obese
• Rapidly gaining or loosing weight
• Using corticosteroid medications

Stretch most times can't be totally prevented... But be sure to moisturize your entire body regularly especially areas prone to stretching (breast, hips, buttocks, arms e.t.c) with natural body butter e.g shea butter, cocoa butter and the likes.. Constant moisturizing tend to help the skins elaticitiy which could reduce the likelihood of having stretch marks... Whatever the case might be,stretch marks fade with time... So patience is key...
To all ladies with stretch marks, do not allow any body male or female to make you feel less beautiul because of the marks... People who don't have them are no better than you are.... Its your body... You need to love it, that way nobody will be able to run you down with their words... How people treat you is a reflection of the way they see you treat yourself...
To the guys, well theres no such thing as being perfect... You have got to learn to look beyond physical flaws.
Feel free to drop your comments below. You can reach me via
Email : dannie.ucheagwu@gmail.com

GOING BACK TO YOUR EX...

Some topics are really sensitive so one has to be careful while talking about them. I want to talk about going back to ones ex.. Personally, i am a bit unconfortable with the idea of going back to someone i already broke up with. I had to talk to people to get their opinion on the matter so i won't be talking based on my perception..
Getting back to ones ex is actually a very tricky venture and there are a lot of things to consider before going back to your ex.

• You should critically think about why you left in the first place. Did you leave because you were cheated on, abused in any form, not treated right, taken for granted e.t.c..
• You should also think about the reason you want to go back to your ex. Are you going back because your ex is asking you to come back? Are you going back because you think your ex has changed? Is it because your ex is in a better place? There are so many questions you need to ask yourself here.
• Can you cope if your ex is still the way they were before you left them? Character wise and all.
• Can you trust your partner once again?
• Have you totally forgiven your ex for what they did to you that made you break up in the first place?
• Does the ex really understand why you left?
• Is the ex ready to make adjustments?

When you are able to answer all this questions, you will be decide if its worth the risk.. But i must say, there is a reason that person is your ex... Deal with that reason before thinking of getting back...

SEX

Hey FAM... So I've been hearing a lot of things pertaining to sex and relationships and I realized there are a lot of lies when it comes to sex.. I'm going to try to clarify some things so we don't go around making the same mistakes over and over...

• Sex goes beyond the physical aspect..  No matter how much we try to deceive ourselves that its just the physical attraction and all that, it's way beyond what we feel physically
• Sex is not a guarantee... I've noticed that some people assume that good sex can keep a relationship... Well, Sorry.. Great sex as the name implies is just Great sex... It doesn't translate to love...
• Premarital sex without protection is sheer carelessness on the lady's part.... Some guys say they can't have sex with you with a condom because they love you... My dear, if you want to have unprotected sex, it should be out of your own volition not because some guy said he love you....
• I hate it when people say their partner used them sexually... If you were forced, it's called rape... If you were deceived, well..  Some countries see it as rape too... Anything aside that is consensual... So nobody used anybody... To avoid the “i was used” phrase, please, have sex because you want to.. Not because your partner wants too except of course you are married in which case, it's your partners right...
• Sex is highly over rated... 

SNOOPING!!! YEA OR NAY

Hi fam.... I have been asked severally if it is ok to go through ones partners phone... My answer is usually weird but i will share it with you guys anyway...
Don't snoop through your partners phone except you are ready to call your relationship quits... It really isn't worth it and i will tell you why.. You go through your partners phone and see some things you are not meant to see and then spend the next week or two quarrelling over the content of whatever it is you saw during your snoop.. Then your partner begs you and convinces you that there is nothing to worry about and that whatever you saw was a misconception and somehow you convince yourself to believe the bullshit... You continue your relationship but then you no longer trust your partner because what you saw will always be in your head and any movement your partner makes gets you ssuspicious even when its just an innocent gesture.. Your partner on the other hands gets more careful so its difficult to discern if he or she is really sorry about what happened. Your relationship becomes a shamble just because you snooped...
My advise is that you do not snoop for as long as you want the relationship to go on... When you get tired (that is if you get tired),and you are looking for a reason to end the relationship,then and only then are you allowed to snoop...
What do you think.. Is it ok to snoop?... Drop your comment below....
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ASK DANNIE...

Earlier on today, someone asked me a question that got me thinking.. She said “Dannie, how is it that someone says he loves you and he still cheats on you"?. My first thought was he doesn't really love you (I didn't say that to her though)... I kept quiet for a while and then I said to her “he cheats on you because he feels you won't find out, and even if you do find out, he knows you love him enough to forgive him and still stay with him". We chatted for a bit and then I had to get going. I left but I was still thinking about the question and I came up with a lot of answers...
Usually, we tend to think that because we get cheated on, our partner doesn't love us.. The truth is we gave the impression early in the relationship that we can cope with a cheating partner, so they cheat not because they don't love us but because they know we will stay... Here's why I think people cheat

• They can get away with it
• They really don't care about how you feel
• Someone is willing to cheat with them
• They are just plain selfish
• They think you won't find out

Feel free to drop your reasons in the comment box..

LETTING GO

I'm so sorry I have not been posting as usual... Travelled for some family matters and the network signal in the places I've been has been weak.. I'm back to base now so everything should get back to normal...
I'm going to be talking about Letting Go... This is the most difficult phase of break up... It feels like you are giving up on someone who at some point meant a lot to you.. Truth is sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go... It is a difficult position to be in but it usually is the best way to complete the break up because if you don't totally let go, your next relationship is going to be a disaster...

First, you have to realize that the fact that you guys broke up doesn't make you a bad person. People come and go.. It's just a process that will help shape you into who you are meant to be... Then DELETE the human being from all your social media pages... I mean all... Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp, Instagram, Tumblr and the rest..  That is just how you will move forward.. Throughout that period, try as much as possible to cut all forms of communication with that person... It is difficult i know but focus on the greater good... It will take quite a while and a whole lot of self control to be able to pull this off but you will get through just fine... 

5 REASONS WHY WOMEN CHEAT

Hello fam... Did a little research to find out why women cheat.. Here is what i came up with...

• Loneliness: Believe it or not,it is possible to be in a relationship and feel lonely... Your partner may not be giving you as much attention as you want and that can lead to loneliness. If your woman feels lonely, there is every possibility that she will cheat on you.
• Sexual Satisfaction: If you are in a sexual relationship and you dont sexually satisfy your woman, she might be temptes to look else where especially when her ex was better in bed than you are..
• Money: You should be able to cater for your woman financially... It takes an extremely strong woman to resist falling for a man who is more financially capable than her partner.
• Revenge: Some women cheat on their partner as a form of pay back. 
• No Reason: Well some women cheat for no reason at all... They feel like it so they do... 

Feel free to drop reasons you think women cheat in the comment box..

A MUST READ

I came across this and i cried a bit. The homeless guy reminds me of me... I would do anything to make sure someone else is happy. I  will often go out of my way to help. I try so much to make sure everybody is happy with me,but you know what.... The truth is that the same people you helped at their times of need wouldn't give a damn about you when you need them the most. The more you do for them the more they want until at the end of the day, you are left dry.
I consciously try to look the other way nowadays... I have learnt to say no more often and i have learnt to take care of myself a little bit more than i used to.. Afterall i am human too... I need as much care and pampering as every human being does. We should all help but not to our own detriment...

DIARY OF A BROKENHEARTED GIRL 3

She stayed because she thought things will get sorted out. She stayed because she was naive.. She stayed because she loved him. Sadly, she was taken for granted over and over and over again probably because he felt she will never leave or maybe he he thought that no other person had eyes on her... He was wrong, totally wrong... A lot of approached her but she had decided long ago to be faithful...
She stayed until she realized that she was making a huge fool out of herself. How can such a beautiful girl be putting up with such bull shit? How can she be stupid enough to be part of such an insane game? Those questions haunted for months... Her friends had given up. They had decided to watch things unfold. She finally decided to talk a walk but was scared of doing it alone so she waited.... And waited... Then suddenly he came along... The only one that made her strong enough to want to leave.. The only that put ideas into her head.. He was her knight in shining armour...
That was when the whole drama began...

IS LOVE ENOUGH?

In relationships, both dating and marriage, we go through different phases and in some of these phases, we realize that love is not enough to keep the relationship going... We need communication, commitment, honesty, understanding, finances, and other factors for a relationship to really work.

I have heard people say “if you really loved him, you would have stayed”. The truth is that there is love and there is stupidity and the line between them is very thin... That you love someone doesn't necessarily mean you must be with the person even when it is obvious the person does not love you back . You will just be putting yourself under unnecessary emotional pressure. When you love someone who doesn't feel the same way about you, it is extremely frustrating...
The only time a relationship will work irrespective of all the ups and downs is when there is trust, honesty, respect, communication, commitment, understanding, forgiveness and love (i mean the proper definition of love, check 1 Corinthians 13 : 4-8).

LETTER TO GUYS

Dear guys,
                    This is specifically for you... You know when we ask those questions you think are silly, it is because we just want a reaffirmation of what we already know.... You know those times we argue and fight over little stuffs, it is because we care enough to bother about those little things.. You should get worried when we stop arguing and complaining, it means we no longer care as much.... Not all girls are cheats and gold diggers.... Its just that you tend not to notice the genuine ones or you just take them for granted.
There are still girls who mean it when they say “I LOVE YOU"... There are still girls that can stand by you, build with and grow with you... I just hope you are able to know who to keep and when to stop playing...
Yours truly,
Sandra
              Got this about 24mins ago and decided to share... Guys.. This is for you... Thanks Sandra for writing in...
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FUN FACTS ABOUT SEX

• Sex is also a form of exercise.
• Women have more sex than men.
• Your brain turns off during good sex.
• Talking about sex with your partner usually makes sex better.
• Orgasms are good for you... They relieve stress
• Humans are not the only ones that perform oral sex.. Wolves, bears and bats do too

YEAAAAAA... WE HAVE A VISITOR

Hey FAM..... We have our very first blog visitor and guess what he will be needing our opinion... Post coming soon....

HIGHLIGHTS

Hi FAM.... I've been out of town and the network reception there was not really strong. I'm back and here's the highlight of my trip...

The boat ride was just amazing... Loved every bit of it...

HOW TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY

The importance of effective communication cannot be over emphasized. I am going to give a few tips on how to communicate effectively..

• Be a good listener.... You need to learn to listen to be able to communicate effectively.. I mean listen not hear.... They are two different things.
• Drop the accusive tone... If you have a grieviance and you want to talk about it, then do just that... Don't yell... Dont put your partner in a defensive state...
• Drop the ‘I' when referring to your relationship.. It's the both that are in the relationship.. So learn to use ‘us', ‘we' and other words that show that you are in unity..

DIARY OF A HEARTBEOKEN GIRL 2

You know how people meet and then sparks fly and you know instantly that he is the one.... Well, that was not the case.. It was more of a friendship turned love kind of situation... Freshers in the university with little knowledge of romance and a childish but sweet definition of love somehow got to meet each other and then become friends who gradually started having feelings for each other.
It was all fun and rosy and was all she expected love to be until she discovered that his ex was still very much present in his life... That was the beginning of the end of a relationship that should have lasted for a very long time... Lies and cheating and deciet took over... She persevered for as long as she could.... She talked to him... Tried to make him uunderstand that he is hurting her bad... His reply just left her amazed... “You are my wife and she's my girlfriend"... She just couldn't understand that, yet she stayed.... He compared her to his ex and she still stayed... Childish you may say... Stupid as some others put it... She still stayed... Her friends tried to help her sinking relationship but she felt she could salvage it... So, she stayed.
Her friends told her the blunt truth, they tried to explain that love isn't pain.. Their words hurt but they were simply being her friend... Afterall, that's what real friends do... Tell you the truth irrespective of how you are going to feel if that is what it will take to wake you up... She still stayed.... To be continued......

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COMMUNICATION: THE BASIS OF ALL RELATIONSHIPS

    A lot of people think love is the basis of all relationships... Everyone has their opinion, but from my standpoint, the basis of all relationships is communication. It is what determines how far your relationship will go.. It is what keeps the relationship going... It is what kills the relationship wrong communication I mean.

      The first symptom of a failing relationship is a drastic change in the communication pattern (by change, i mean reduction)... Just like certain symptoms make you aware of the fact that something isn't right with your body, that is the same way a reduction in communication or the total lack of it goes to show that something isn't right in your relationship.
Your partner should be able to communicate with you effectively and as often as possible.. That is the only way understanding will grow... I'm saying this because if you give room for assumptions, you might as well just kiss your relationship good bye...
      When in a relationship, there are certain things that you should take note of and one of such is your communication level because once there is a problem, that is the first thing that gets affected. We all need to learn how to communicate effectively... We need to learn when to talk, how to talk and when to keep silent... That is the first step to a healthy relationship....

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HAPPY NEW YEAR

Happy New Year Fam... 2015 was great and God was so good to me... 2016 is going to be better for all of us... It is going to be fruitful. All we couldnt achieve in 2015 will be achieved in 2016... Just stay focused, work hard and believe in God..

I spent my new years eve in Opobo... Opobo is in Rivers State, Nigeria. Its such a small beautiful place... So much fun stuffs going on.. Will be posting pictures and videos in a bit. N.B Network isnt so friendly here... Hence the delay in posts... Please bear with me